Setting an Intention

Over the last few years, I’ve felt nudges from the Spirit to use my training as prayer time for specific people and circumstances. And I’m pretty sure these nudges came because God knew that I could use some help in this area. Listening in prayer is a definite growth edge for me as I’m one of those people with a bunch of plates spinning simultaneously. In short, I don’t slow down very much, and yet, with running, I already have this training space carved out for me. God has been gracious to help me learn to make space for him through these times.  

I have been grateful for the last couple of months that I've set aside to try to listen in as you are  about to turn 13, Cazden. 

This quote below is a favorite of mine: 
"My favorite part of my yoga class is when my teacher asks us to ‘set an intention’ at the beginning of class….At the end, she often asks us to check back in with that intention that we set at the beginning of class.  I like that part; it means something to me. I have begun to incorporate this idea into other areas of my life. I try to set an intention before I run, work out, write, meet up with a friend, make a speech, eat a meal, discipline my children, state my opinion, or say yes or no to a request.  The more I set intentions, the more I realize how many opportunities I have to do so in the span of a week, a day, or even an hour.  I realize how often in the past I have not checked in with my intention or even made one to begin with.  How easy it is to waste time, get off track, or miss the moment when I forget where my heart is?"  -Kristin Armstrong Mile Markers

My intention has been to keep you in mind when I run and to ask God to help me know what I can be praying for you.  It has been such a gift to have you along for the ride. 

I know that some of this stuff may not mean much now, but if you don't hear anything else, I hope that you hear this behind all of these posts: 

Celebrating all that you are and anticipating all that lies ahead. 

HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY CAZDEN!!! 

Run the Mile You're In

It was race day today!!! 

What a gift to tiptoe out of our room early this morning to get ready and find this note waiting for us from Anna... 

RUN FOR CAZ!!! 

Our Bellingham Half Marathon crew 

As I was running and praying for you this morning during the race, Cazden, 

this phrase above kept going through my head.  Running the mile you're in is great race advice- but it also applies to life. It helped me to think about the years ahead of you and I asked God to show up at each mile and to give you the presence of mind to not get too far ahead of yourself that you lose steam and perspective for the mile you are in.  

The other thing that kept going through my head was this piece of insight. 

Bach wrote J.J. Jesu Juva which means "Jesus, help" at the beginning of all of his compositions, 

and at the end of them all, he wrote "S.D.G."  (Soi Deo Gloria) which means "To God alone be the glory."  This reminded me to simply pray for help in the run and for this little race to bring God glory.... May this be so in your life too, Caz.... that these would be your bookends and that you could ask for help each step and give God the glory when you finish each chapter. 

warming up in the car after the race (as I was one wet rat...) 

YAY! 1st in my age division! 

powered and inspired by CAZDEN!!! 

our two cheerleaders in the run!! 

(Guy and Olive were there around mile 10 to cheer us on!) 

'Twas the Night Before Race Day

part of our dinner tonight...  

Cazden, there have been over 30 little entries on this blog.... 

Know that it has been a sweet thing to tie you up in my shoelaces with some prayer in the last two months of training and running-- bringing you along the way and holding you up to the Light. 

I just googled "night before race day" and found this very funny poem.  

‘Twas the night before race day, when all through the town

No sleep would be had by the runners around;

Their race clothes were laid by the door with care,

In hopes that a PR soon would be there.

The rest of the world – they were snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.

But for runners like me, sleep would not come,

We tossed and we turned until up came the sun,

Only then did our bodies succumb to a nap,

But then – BOOM! Our alarms went off like a slap.

We frantically pulled our clocks to our faces,

To make sure we hadn’t slept through our races.

Next: Check the weather. Sunny or Snow?

Running through heat or twenty below?

Even though we’d stalked the forecast forever,

We needed that last minute check on the weather.

Time to get dressed, get stressed over layers,

Yes, it’s cold now, but what about later?

Sure we can shed some clothes as we go,

But where goes the damn race bib? We know it must show.

Once our wardrobe is finally complete,

It’s time for the Glide and to deal with our feet!

Glide is easy: everywhere it goes

More difficult is dealing with feet and with toes.

Long or short socks? Compression or not?

Too risky to try the new ones we’ve bought?

And no matter how much we adjust our right sock,

There’s a bump in it that feels like it’s hiding a rock.

Next come the sneakers, a whole different stress

One wrong lace and BINGO! Your feet are a mess.

First they’re too loose. Then they’re too tight.

On race day they never ever ever feel right.

Next up: some food, though it’s barely daylight

And who wants to eat when it’s still kind of night?

So we choke down bagels, maybe oatmeal instead,

And toss back some coffee to wake up our heads.

Breakfast is over, so now we must pack

Some fuel to eat for a mid-race snack.

Chompers or gel? Sport beans or Gu?

Too many choices, so we just grab a few.

We’re dressed! We’re packed! We finished our meal!

Time to head out – it's sure getting real!

But of course we cannot just head out the door,

Without visiting the loo, at least one time more.

Off to the race site, time to check in,

Stare at the elites – those guys might win!

Then straight to the porta potties – get in a line,

We know that is where we will spend most of our time.

After spending quality time at the John

We realize the moment has come to move on

And make our way over to the starting line;

Adjust our Garmin and pacebands one final time.

Do a few stretches, hand to your heart,

As the national anthem signals the start.

Excitement builds, you’re ready to burst,

Whether it’s your fiftieth race or your first.

The countdown begins and off goes the gun,

It’s finally here – the race has begun!.

So we look up and wish on the new morning star,

“HAPPY RACE DAY TO ALL, AND TO ALL A PR!!

You'll definitely be with me in spirit tomorrow. :) 

Sleeping in

I was so grateful to sleep in this morning as it's been a crazy week at work with the first week of classes and also a few fires I had to put out with a few of my students in their internships. 

This week is also officially our taper week since the race is on Sunday so it's been good to have today as a day to recoup.  My prayer for you as I rolled out of bed was for God to lead you beside a few quiet waters and restore your soul this weekend.... 

"He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake." ~Psalm 23:2-3

Voodoo Doll Day

On Tuesday, I had a full day with my first official day of classes for this quarter.  The day started with opening chapel on campus followed by two classes back to back. I had a cart I borrowed from our office in which I stacked a bunch of books to bring over for my children's literature class along with a bunch of goodies for the first day of class to welcome students. 

As I rolled this cart out of my office, I tweaked something in my back, and it really hurt to walk. OUCH!  Then after class as I was coming back to my office, I was wheeling the cart down a slight hill, and the cart rammed into the back of my right leg leaving a bit of a battle scar on my right ankle.  I got to my office and wished I had a band-aid so that I wouldn't get blood stains everywhere. Once again, OUCH!  I was relieved that I was in good enough shape to bike home even though I felt a little rough around the edges.  

I laughed to myself wondering if someone had a voodoo doll and that I was getting poked a few extra times that day.  And, it made me pause and think about you and times that you might feel that way too at times with OCD or with the changes that come with puberty.  

So, know that even with my middle-aged aches and pains (and ridiculous injuries from trying to haul too much stuff around for teaching), you were in my prayers today as I asked God to give you help and grace when life seems to be sticking a few too many pins into your days.   

Scaffolding

scaf·fold·ing

ˈskafəldiNG/

noun

1. a temporary structure on the outside of a building, made usually of wooden planks and metal poles, used by workers while building, repairing, or cleaning the building.

   • the materials used in scaffolding.

   
   

There is a bunch of scaffolding on a building down the street from us, and every time I have run or biked by it this past week, I have thought of you. 

I am thinking about this milestone of a birthday for you coming up and about your teenage years ahead, and I am praying for there to be just the right scaffolding for you along the way as you continue to grow. That might show up in your parents or grandparents or godparents (who love you so so so much I might add!) or in your teachers or in your friends.  But however God shows up to help with the "building, repairing or cleaning" in your life, my hope is that you will be open to these supports and that you would allow God to work in you to make you into the person he designed you to be.  

Old Stomping Grounds

This morning, I ran down through campus and then back around on the Burke Gilman trail to our house for a short run. As I was going on this route, I realized I probably could do this blindfolded as it is my go-to route and is often included as the beginning of other routes too. Red Square here on UW campus has been the spot where we had Anna's unicycle birthday party along with the Harry Potter birthday party too.  I've chosen this route for so many walks with friends through UW campus as the views of Rainier from this spot are pretty spectacular on a clear day. There are so many good memories here.

It made me think about what your old stomping grounds are there in Missoula, and I simply gave thanks for places there that you know so well like the M, the Big Dipper, Splash Montana, DQ, fishing holes, bike trails, 333 Agnes, Flying Squirrel, hikes, and Glacier just to scratch the surface.

I don't know where God will lead you as you head off on your own one day, but my prayer is that you will establish roots somewhere so that you have some old stomping grounds somewhere one day that you can call home. Praying for wherever that spot is and for God to prepare the way... 

Sick Day/ Shin Splints

I've enjoyed hanging out on the couch with Anna this morning as she's been laying low this weekend feeling a little under the weather and as I came back from my run with a shin splint so I was icing my leg for a bit.

We both seem to be on the mend, and I do believe that Poppy has been good medicine. We read this lovely "liturgy for a sick day" this morning and wanted to pass it on...

"For this brief pause, for this reminder and of dependence upon you, I thank you, O Lord.
A day such as this, in which I endure a measure of sickness or unease,
is a reminder that the redemption of all things is not yet complete.
It is a reminder that this body will decline and one day fail, and so it is also a reminder that the ways
I spend my days matter- for my hours,  revealed like veins of gold beneath a rushing stream, are a limited resource to be purposefully mined or forever lost.
A day such as this is a reminder that good health and vigor are gifts to be consciously and gratefully enjoyed, and to be invested while they might, in eternal things. So let me finish this day, O Lord, wiser than I began in.
Let me live now, in light of this knowledge that a time might come in this life when I feel such sickness and discomfort for a long season, when I must adjust to a "new normal" when my abilities are limited either by the slow decline of age or from some accident, injury or disease. Therefore, let me use the good health that I have while I have it, presuming nothing.
Let me use it to serve well, to love well, to care for your people,your creation, to spend my allotted days cherishing hearts, creating beauty, bringing order, offering  healing, delighting in your goodness manifest to me in a million ways, and so to one day come to the end of my days having stewarded them well. Heal my body from this sickness, O Christ My Healer. Be gracious. Give rest.
Raise me again to health with a heightened sense of thankfulness for the unmerited gift of well-being, and also with a greater-sense of compassion for those who suffer lingering ailment, disease or discomfort. Teach me by my own small sufferings to be a better minister and friend to those who suffer greatly. So let even the unease I feel today work as your servant, accomplishing your better purposes in me."
-Douglas Kaine Mckelvey Every Moment Holy 

Bad Data

Yesterday, Elizabeth and I did a workout in which we needed to run 5 miles at a certain pace and then run another 4 at a faster pace. She has a fancy watch that tells the pace, distance, etc. It can be really helpful for training and speed work; however, it has been glitching lately and it's not been accurate at all. It says we are going slower than we really are so we speed up too much, and it's just not been reliable for us to figure out our next steps.

Anyway, as we were running yesterday, since it was glitching, we decided to use my old school stopwatch and simply use the mile markers on the Burke Gilman trail so we could have a more accurate idea of pace and time. 

It reminded me of when we operate with the wrong story in our minds and we adjust our lives according to something that is not true. My prayer for you, Cazden, is that God will open your eyes and help you to see where the stories in your mind need to be changed so that you can live with more freedom and joy.  

I read a book by Brene Brown this summer, and she talked about this very thing. 

"My husband, Steve, and I were having one of those days. That morning, we'd overslept. Charlie couldn't find his backpack, and Ellen had to drag herself out of bed because she'd been up late studying. Then at work I had five back-to-back meetings, and Steve, a pediatrician, was dealing with cold-and-flu season. By dinnertime, we were practically in tears. 

Steve opened the refrigerator and sighed. "We have no groceries. Not even lunch meat." I shot back, "I'm doing the best I can. You can shop, too!" "I know," he said in a measured voice. "I do it every week. What's going on?" 

I knew exactly what was going on: I had turned his comment into a story about how I'm a disorganized, unreliable partner and mother. I apologized and started my next sentence with the phrase that's become a lifesaver in my marriage, parenting and professional life: "The story I'm making up is that you were blaming me for not having groceries, that I was screwing up." 

Steve said, "No, I was going to shop yesterday, but I didn't have time. I'm not blaming you. I'm hungry." 

Storytelling helps us all impose order on chaos—including emotional chaos. When we're in pain, we create a narrative to help us make sense of it. This story doesn't have to be based on any real information. One dismissive glance from a coworker can instantly turn into I knew she didn't like me. I responded to Steve so defensively because when I'm in doubt, the "I'm not enough" explanation is often the first thing I grab. It's like my comfy jeans—may not be flattering, but familiar. 

Our stories are also about self-protection. I told myself Steve was blaming me so I could be mad instead of admitting that I was vulnerable or afraid of feeling inadequate. I could disengage from the tougher stuff. That's what human beings tend to do: When we're under threat, we run. If we feel exposed or hurt, we find someone to blame, or blame ourselves before anyone else can, or pretend we don't care. 

But this unconscious storytelling leaves us stuck. We keep tripping over the same issues, and after we fall, we find it hard to get back up again. But in my research on shame and vulnerability, I've also learned a lot about resilience. For my book Rising Strong, I spent time with many amazing people—from Fortune 500 leaders to long-married couples—who are skilled at recovering from setbacks, and they have one common characteristic: They can recognize their own confabulations and challenge them. The good news is that we can rewrite these stories. We just have to be brave enough to reckon with our deepest emotions. 

In navigation, dead reckoning is how you calculate your location. It involved knowing where you've been and how you got there—speed, route, wind conditions. It's the same with life: We can't chart a new course until we find out where we are, how we came to that point and where we want to go. Reckoncomes from the Old English recenian, meaning "to narrate." When you reckon with emotion, you can change your narrative. You have to acknowledge your feelings and get curious about the story behind them. Then you can challenge those confabulations and get to the truth. 

I'll walk you through it. The next time you're in a situation that pushes your buttons—from a breakup to a setback at work—and you're overwhelmed by anger, disappointment or embarrassment, try this practice. 

Engage with your feelings. 

Your body may offer the first clue that you're having an emotional reaction: for instance, your boss assigns the project you wanted to a colleague, and your face begins to feel hot. Or your response may involve racing thoughts or replaying the event in slow motion. You don't need to know exactly where the feelings are coming from: you just have to acknowledge them. 

My stomach is in knots. 
I want to punch a wall. 
I need Oreos. Lots of them. 

Get curious about the story behind the feelings. 

Now you're going to ask yourself a few questions. Again, it's not necessary to answer them right off the bat. 

Why am I being so hard on everyone? 
What happened right before this Oreo craving set in? 
I'm obsessing over what my sister said. Why? 

This step can be surprisingly difficult. You're furious because Todd got the project, but it may feel easier to steamroll over your anger with contempt: Todd's a brownnoser. This company's a joke. Getting curious about your feelings may lead to some discoveries: What if you're more hurt than you realized? Or what if your attitude could have played a part? But pushing through discomfort is how we get to the truth. 

Write it down. 

The most effective way to become truly aware of our stories is to write them down, so get your thoughts on paper. Nothing fancy—you can just finish these sentences: 

The story I'm making up... 
My emotions... 
My thinking... 
My body... 
My beliefs... 
My actions... 

For instance, you might write, I'm so peeved. I feel like I'm having a heatstroke. She thinks I'm incapable. I want to hurl a stapler. 

You can be mad, self-righteous, confused. A story driven by emotion and self-protection probably doesn't involve accuracy, logic or civility. If your story contains those things, it's likely that you're not being fully honest. 

Get ready to rumble. 

It's time to poke and prod at your findings, exploring the ins and outs. The first questions may be the simplest: 

1. What are the facts, and what are my assumptions? 

I really don't know why my boss picked Todd. And I didn't tell her I was interested in the project—I figured she knew. 

2. What do I need to know about the others involved? 

Maybe Todd has some special skill or she has me in mind for something else. 

Now we get to the more difficult questions: 

3. What am I really feeling? What part did I play? 

I feel so worthless. I'm failing in my career. And I don't want to ask for anything because someone might say no. 

You may learn that you've been masking shame with cynicism, or that being vulnerable and asking for what you want is preferable to stewing in resentment. These truths may be uncomfortable, but they can be the basis of meaningful change. 

Figuring out your own story could take 20 minutes or 20 years. And you may not make one big transformation; maybe it's a series of incremental changes. You just have to feel your way through. 

If you're thinking this sounds too hard, I get it. The reckoning can feel dangerous because you're confronting yourself—the fear, aggression, shame and blame. Facing our stories takes courage. But owning our stories is the only way we get to write a brave new ending." 

be the gift

This morning, I met my cousin Hannah to run around Green Lake and carried her birthday gift with me on the way to meet her.  It may have looked a little funny to others seeing me with this gift in hand, but it was worth it to surprise her this morning with something that I thought would brighten her day. 

It prompted me to simply pray that you would be a gift to those around you today- 

to your friends,

to your mom and dad,

to your brother,

to your teachers. 

May you be assured that you are a gift 

and in turn, 

may you be a gift to others. 

a morning prayer

This morning, before I headed out for my run, 

I opened up a prayer book and landed on this page: 

"Brood over 

this space

and these people

Brood brightly

and bring forth

new joy, 

new hope, 

new life!" 

May God's spirit brood over your spaces this week and bring forth new joy, hope and life... 

new route

This morning, Jason and I went on a slow and easy run. We ran from our house around Green Lake but then instead of coming home, we decided to cut up through Woodland Park, up a trail by the zoo, around to the rose garden, and then we went on some side streets to pick a route to come home. 

It was nice to get off the beaten path of the routes we normally run.

It made me think about the ruts we have in our brains and how we can get stuck in the same old patterns. So, my prayer for you today was for God to help you get out of some of those ruts and find some good new paths for some fresh perspective. 

Love you and am cheering for you, Caz... 

Cazden Jace Cravy

This morning, Elizabeth and I met at the Roosevelt track when it was still dark. (This is one of the things I don't love about fall in that our days get shorter as the days march on to December.) We ran six 1000's at a pretty fast clip. After the first two, I was questioning my sanity about this as it felt like boot camp, and I was not too sure I wanted to do 4 more. But as the workout went on, I held on tight and did my best to finish strong. On my last one, I began saying your name with each stride in my head-- "Cazden....Jace....Cravy..." thinking about the origins of your name and the legacy that you follow in those footsteps. It made me smile as I reflected on your unique first name that fits you so perfectly, the uncle you are named after (whom I am quite fond of), and your last name and the family you belong to... I finished with a smile on my face and with prayers of thanks for the person you are and the person you are becoming...

Look what I found when I googled your name.... 

so cool! 

last summer treat

just what I needed at the end of a run this morning as we close out summer around here... 

I have a simple prayer for you today that you would be able to find gifts like these in your path just at the right time and that you would be able to taste and see that the Lord is so very good... 

Polar Bear Swimming

On Saturday after our hike near Mt. Rainier and on Sunday after a trail run, I went down to the river near our campsite and succumbed to peer pressure to jump in for two quick dips. It was invigorating and I was so glad I did it, but it felt crazy at the time because it was FREEZING! 

My prayer for you is for good friends who encourage you to live life to the fullest in ways like this... Carpe Diem! 

pristine swimming hole 

Uncle Jas jumping in 

Brr.... 

Saturday evening polar bears 

Sunday morning polar bears 

(I needed gloves on my run since it was so cold this morning so going for a swim was a bit nuts!